Mixed Wedding Parties and Modern Roles

Your closest people are not always neatly divided into "the bride's side" and "the groom's side". Your best friend might be a man, your brother might be standing with you instead of across the aisle, and the person you most want next to you on the day might not fit the role the tradition assumes. So pick the people, then sort the labels.

Mixed wedding parties have gone from slightly novel to completely normal. Nobody blinks at a "best woman" or a groom with his sister beside him anymore, and that frees you up to build a line-up that actually reflects your life.

Pick people first, sort titles later

The mistake is starting with the roles. "We need three bridesmaids and three groomsmen, so who fills the slots?" That's backwards and it leads to inviting people out of obligation.

Start instead with a simple question: who do you want standing with you? Write the names down. Then work out where each person stands and what they're called. You'll often find the numbers don't balance, and that's fine. There's no rule that says each side needs to match.

Once you've got your people, the titles tend to sort themselves:

• A man supporting the bride: bridesman or man of honour
• A woman supporting the groom: groomswoman or best woman
• Anyone, either side: wedding party, honour attendant, or just their name in the order of service

You can also drop the gendered language entirely and go with "the wedding party" or "our people". Plenty of couples now list everyone together rather than splitting them into two teams.

Handle the practical stuff openly

Mixed parties throw up a few logistics that single-gender groups don't, but none of them are hard if you talk early.

Getting ready. A bridesman probably won't want to be in the room for three hours of hair and makeup, and that's grand. Let people join for the parts that suit them. He might rock up an hour before the ceremony with the buttonholes rather than sitting through the full morning.

Outfits. This is where couples overthink. You don't need everyone matching. Pick a palette and a level of formality, then let people wear what works: a suit in the same tone as the dresses, or a dress in a shade that sits with the suits. The goal is a group that looks like it belongs together, not a uniform.

Walking down the aisle. Pair people however feels right. Some couples pair by height, some by friendship, some send everyone down solo. The traditional one-of-each pairing is optional.

Divvy up the jobs by strength, not gender

The duties that come with the role, organising the hen or stag do, holding the rings, giving a speech, calming nerves on the morning, don't belong to a particular gender. Hand them out based on who's actually good at each thing.

Your most organised friend should run the planning regardless of whether they're a bridesmaid or a groomsman. The funny one gets the speech. The calm one stays with you in the morning. Once you stop assigning jobs by which "team" someone is on, the day runs better, because the right person is doing each thing.

It helps to write the jobs down and share them, so nobody assumes someone else has it covered. A shared wedding website is handy here: you can keep a private page or note for the wedding party with the schedule, who's responsible for what, and the practical details like timings and dress code in one spot everyone can check. Build The Day lets you share that kind of detail with your people without endless group-chat scrolling.

Speeches and order of service

Two small things trip couples up. First, speeches: there's no requirement that the "best man" speaks. A best woman, a groomswoman, two people together, whoever has something to say can say it. Decide on a running order and rough timings so it doesn't sprawl.

Second, the printed order of service. List your wedding party by name and a short description rather than forcing everyone into "bridesmaids" and "groomsmen" columns. "Standing with us today" followed by the names reads warmly and sidesteps the whole labelling question.

A wedding party should look like the two of you and the people you love, not a diagram from an etiquette book. Choose your people, give them roles that fit, and let the titles follow.