How to Be a Great Best Man

Getting asked to be best man is a proper honour, and also a slightly terrifying one. Somewhere between the rings, the stag and the speech, it's easy to convince yourself there's a long list of ways to mess it up. There isn't. The job comes down to being reliable, being there, and not dropping the ring. Everything else is detail.

Here's how to do it well without losing sleep over it.

What the best man is actually for

The role has changed. It used to be all about a risqué speech and getting the groom to the church. Now it's more rounded, and frankly more useful.

You're the groom's right hand through the planning and on the day. You organise the stag do (or co-organise it with the ushers). You hold the rings and any paperwork the registrar needs. You give a speech. And you keep the day ticking along, so the couple can stop watching the clock and actually enjoy themselves.

If there are groomsmen or ushers, you're loosely in charge of them: making sure they know where to be, what they're wearing, and what they're doing when guests arrive.

The stag do, done right

The stag should suit the groom, not your idea of a good weekend. Some lads want a wild trip abroad. Plenty would rather have a brewery tour, a curry and a few pints with the people they actually like. Ask him, properly, before you book anything.

A few rules that save grief:

• Agree a budget early. Not everyone can drop £400 on a weekend away. Be honest about the numbers up front so nobody bows out at the last minute or quietly resents it.
• Don't schedule it the week before the wedding. Give it a fortnight's clearance at least. Nobody wants the groom nursing a comedown down the aisle.
• Keep him safe and keep it kind. The old-school humiliation stuff has had its day. A great stag is one he remembers fondly, not one he's relieved survived.

Writing the speech

This is the part that keeps best men up at night, and it's genuinely the bit that matters most to the room. Get it right and people talk about it for years.

The secret isn't jokes. It's affection with a bit of humour layered on top. A speech that's all gags and no heart leaves everyone a little cold. Aim for the room laughing three or four times and going quiet once.

A reliable structure:

1. Open with a quick, genuine line about the groom, then one warm joke at his expense (nothing cruel, nothing that needs an apology after).
2. Tell one good story that shows who he is, the kind only a close mate would know.
3. Talk about how he changed for the better when he met his partner. This is the line that lands.
4. Welcome the couple, raise a glass, sit down.

Keep it to five minutes, tops. Three good stories beat ten flimsy ones. Test the jokes on someone honest beforehand, and cut anything that needs explaining. Print it large on paper, because your phone will betray you. And read it aloud a dozen times so you're looking up at the room, not reading from the page.

Two hard rules: nothing about exes, and nothing you wouldn't say in front of the groom's gran. If you have to ask whether a line is too far, it's too far.

On the wedding day

Get the groom there on time, calm, and with everything he needs. That's the headline. The rest is being one step ahead.

A few things to have sorted before you arrive:

On the day itself, you're the calm one. Greet guests with the ushers. Make sure the groom eats and drinks some water. Keep an eye on the running order and gently nudge things along if they drift. If a problem crops up, the missing buttonhole, the late car, the uncle who's had one too many, you sort it quietly so the couple never hear about it.

It helps to know the schedule cold. Many couples now share the day's timeline on their wedding website, so if there's one, get the link and save yourself a flurry of texts.

The quiet stuff that makes you great

Beyond the duties, the best best men do the small things. They check the groom's nerves the morning of, with a calm word rather than a shot at 10am. They make sure the parents feel included. They keep the dance floor going and the groom off the bar until after the speeches.

You don't need to be the loudest or the funniest. You need to be the one he trusts to handle it, so on the biggest day of his life he can stop managing and just be the groom. Do that, and you've done the job brilliantly.